It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
