he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
