i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
