im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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