nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
where are you?
Hypothermia
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
