if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
