So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize