closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
