So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
