oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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