with your own penis?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize