Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
