I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
