i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
