dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
