We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i've created a new STD.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
