What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize