matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
