i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this just has baby written all over it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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