At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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