I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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