I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
