Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
