What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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