Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
