similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize