Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Jerry, you need to find god
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
