But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My hand turned me down
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
