I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
