My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
