I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Small penises have feelings too.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
