I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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