the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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