You made me cry and you don't even care
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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