Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
