how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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