Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
