you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
