Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize