Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
