Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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