ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
