I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
