I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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