Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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