She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
