Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
