Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
