Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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