Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
