Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
