Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
