dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize