if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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