just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Randomize
