the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
