I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
