Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
