God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
