I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize