im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
