Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
