Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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