My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
