3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
