My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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