everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
