i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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