There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
