it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
