So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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