I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
