just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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