In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
