Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
