I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
