You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
