Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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