We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
