You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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