i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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