Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize