Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
