Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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