Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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