U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
