When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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