Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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