I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
