Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
