I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
