here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
