I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina just clenched in fear
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