i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize