Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
