she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
