So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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