I wish I only lived at night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize