I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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