my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
