I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
