3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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