Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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