batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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