Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i barfeds in our rink
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
