Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pants are for mortals
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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