Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
