my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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