i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
