You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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