Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
