At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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