yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
